Higher-Self Takes Over With Lightening Fast Body Moves
February 13: Chest Pop & Expansion, More Chest Cycles
1 am: I went to bed and immediately a strong growing phase started. I felt my chest pop and expand, but nothing was physically different. Then my legs got warmer than ever with strong swirling energy in the genitals. I said aloud, “You entice me with the promise of this new body, but there is still the dying gasping surrender thing to get through." I responded to myself, “Okay, but I’m not interested in doing all this for that.” I was tired and shortly the dying, gasping for life, choking thing started. I thought I had “made it through" but later found out it wasn’t true. I had enough and slept until 6am.
Awaking at 6 am, tension exists in the body in all the same places. Why doesn’t it go away? I am sure the power of higher-self can remove this tension from my body. (A common societal belief is of spontaneous and instant healing. The reality is we are made of flesh and bone, and healing takes it is time, we cannot grow a new tooth overnight.)
It was strange last night how the stretches were going through all those parts again and for so long. Is it that I am not strong enough or awake enough to complete this? Vacation is over; I have to take over the work outside. I have to start dealing with the chaos and the reality of people. I do not feel ready to do that. (It is hard to carry out your normal duties when this transformation starts. The best scenario would be a total retreat of at least a year and having the support of others.) The growing reaction feels strong this morning; I might do a session, maybe not. At this point, I am discouraged and disappointed.
Giving myself Reiki treatments works well for me to quiet my mind as it boosts my energy. (Many times, I quit giving myself Reiki because as my energy grew, I felt I did not need it anymore. Today I still benefit each time I give myself Reiki, you can never have too much energy.) I will work with that more and give others treatments. Soon I need to go outside and try to act normal. The Reiki on root chakra worked well to help me surrender. Higher-self taking over seems a gradual thing, as my vibration increases, higher-self gets stronger and takes over more. It is more like merging into your higher-self. After the session, I went out to work and took a walk. On the walk, I started feeling strange and so happy. I saw things differently and was walking with a spring in my step. When I was walking, I could hear the marching music, so I started walking to the beat of it. It got stronger. When I stopped, higher-self took over with the most amazing spontaneous stretches so far. I moved so fast and was twisting and twirling all over for about an hour. I found out the bone in my leg that joins to make the hip socket is on the wrong side of the joint. It is as if I have to lengthen tendons in my legs to pull the joint around to the front.
When I went to my room at 3 pm, higher-self took over with such force and afterward the genital growing was so strong so I went to bed until 6 pm. It feels like a penis is growing but I do not believe it. I was not sure about surrender; near the end I tried it and realized, I must keep doing this every time. Higher-self then gets stronger and takes over more each time. To enliven myself I have to keep surrendering.
8 pm: there was a beautiful moon; it was blood red with the sunset on it. I prepare for another round. I think it is near now. I keep on doing what is indicated and surrendering as much as possible. The last few days I am going so fast inside and outside and I hear the marcher music strong. Still the personality is dominant; I guess that is the case until this completes. I will do a session with Reiki working on surrender. Energy swirls in my head and in the genitals, feeling it is changing things. It is strange that what I visualize changing in my body in the long growing phase is not physically evident afterward. I guess a change is made to the energetic form, which can unfold when higher-self takes over. Like when a flower unfolds from the Earth and grows so fast.
From 8 pm to 1 am, I practiced surrender with stretching. If I stretch without surrendering, it hurts. After this, I stood with ring in dome for two hours, practicing surrender. Later, I lay down with hands on root chakra using Reiki. It was intense. Next, I moved my hands to the crown chakra. I feel I did well with longer periods of true surrender. I think it counts in the end. I need sleep now.
Key Insight: I’m Not The Observer, Higher-Self Doesn’t Think
February 14: Rib Cage Release, Skull Work Starts
It has been a day of torture having to push down through the pelvic muscles and with many stretches and neck crunches. The cord of personality seems to be opening but I am stretching for three hours in the same loop. I am angry and crying much. I do not want to do anything more, dying would be easier.
8:30 pm, I am over my resistance streak. I did the Reiki standing in the dome and it was strong. Right away, I had to stand with head tilted with neck bent. It was painful. I had to keep lowering my head and going back up. After this, there was excruciating neck crunching and work in the back. All the time I worked on surrender but was not successful to distance from the pain. During one of the stretches, there was something new. I have always felt pain under my right ribs while stretching, like there is a bubble or tight tension in there. Tonight after many stretches, I felt a knot of tension move under my ribs, up the middle of my chest and over to the spine. Then there was intense neck stretching and crunching in the back. There was another loud crack in the neck and work on sides of neck and at base of skull. After this, I lay down and gave Reiki to root chakra and fell into a deep sleep. I woke near midnight, feeling gentle healing waves in my neck, back and shoulders, the spine and skull are more open. There was much work in the skull, in sinuses, eyes, ears and jaws.
Insight about the observer is the fake one Then it came that the ‘observer’, the one who watches what is going on is the ‘fake one’. This is the thinking one who thinks they are alive. All this time I thought this was higher-self and I would be transformed via the new electric circuits in the body. Tonight I see that this ‘observer’ is what is hanging on. Higher-self has no thinker, it is direct awareness, there is no reflection, and there is no thought! I think I am afraid to let go of this old thinking habit. It seems the way to be as higher-self is by feeling, which does not need thinking, and the Reiki helps me do that. Seeing this illusion was good, I know what I am NOT aiming for.
February 15
There was strong energetic work in the body during the night and I could easily surrender. I need to take some friends to the airport today, I feel it is near and I worry it will happen in public. Then I will be left as an unknown person outside these walls. If I return, people will not know me. Probably none of this will happen; I need to be alert. (I believed at any moment I was going to transform into an entirely different person, which I thought would be a man. I can laugh about it now.)
When I returned, from 3 to 5 pm, I did a long session. My energy was strong but I was tired at the end. I barely remember what I did. I recall stretching, and energy building in pelvic bowl and rising up the spine to skull. Energy worked in the skull for a long time while in deep surrender. After the skull work, I rested and I saw purple light in my 3rd eye and it was easy to be quiet while energy worked in the body. After awhile, I arose and did a stretch with long stretching pulls through neck, chest and back. This stretch enlivened the spine.
From 6 to 11 pm, I did several sessions. In one, I had an orgasm and observed energy moved up strong to the head afterward. Then it comes back down with the tingling feeling of growing and elongating and the genitals tingle. I did a few holds working with surrender but got too tired to continue. I still wonder if it is a problem because I have not completely surrendered. For sure, I have sustained quiet mind. I am still confused about what happens here. It still feels like a penis is growing. Now that I am working again, I need to set up a schedule and make my sessions more effective. I did many sessions and the Reiki acupressure sequence. The marching music is strong now.
Insight about “I” releases energy to higher-self I had the thought while I was stretching, that when I am surrendered the “I” releases energy to higher-self. My higher-self releases ‘energy held in form’ as the ‘I’ and uses this energy to make the light body. Before I thought I was moving tension energy out through the path of the spine, but I have to ask moving it where? It is my energy trapped as tension energy as the personality in the body. The transformation of the body happens during the surrendered state, transforming the old to the new and always getting stronger.
February 16: Deep Tones, Blanked Out View, Pings In Head
5:30 am, last night the growing reaction was strong when I lay down and I felt tension moving out of my neck. It continued all night and I still feel it. The vibration in my body has doubled and I feel tingly. I feel internal stretches with waves of energy filling the stretched part. A vortex works around the spine.
From 6 to 8 am, I did a standing stretch that relieved the tension and pain in the body. I felt surrender was total near the end. At the end, I felt energy built in the pelvic bowl and after this energy rose to the skull and came back down again. When it came down, I felt as if I was sinking, stretching and growing. Each time the energy building in pelvic bowl gets stronger. Then suddenly both ears had a deep tone in them and my internal field of view blanked out. This lasted for some time but I do not know how long. I was very still. I have shivers, hear the marching music strong, and feel a downward spiral along the cord of personality.
I am tired of surrendering, sitting waiting for something to manifest. Perhaps the step I need to do now is to take over as the higher-self. It sure feels much better than sitting in these cramped positions. I have been working all day and feel angry. I think this is because I am suppressing strong energy. When I sit the energy quickly increases in intensity. Twice I came in to sit during the day, and once there was strong neck stretches with crunching. While sitting I heard three pings in my head, and after this, I felt my right side open. I need more energy.
6 pm: Finally, I have space to do a workout. The days are difficult. I am irritated with people and I am tired of living here. I want to move but this is difficult because I am weak. It bothers me that I do not know what is occurring with me and I do not trust my mind. I feel alone with this. I worked my toe joint and I did a standing stretch. After this, the neck opened, growing phase started, and I went to bed.
MARY E. (BETSY) RABYOR was born in Wisconsin and lived in Nevada, Florida and Spain. She went to college and was a computer programmer for 17 years, with family and suburban life. Since 1990, she has meditated and learned self-healing techniques. In August of 1999, she spiritually awakened, quit her job and devoted her life to self-realization and helping others. Shortly after starting Reiki self-healing in 2005, her kundalini unexpectedly awakened. She continues to work with her kundalini transformation today. She lives in Wisconsin and is a skilled distance healer, author, poet, intuitive, and spiritual mentor.
