Neck Cracks, Spine Vortex Forms

February 8

I slept many hours until 10 am. I felt energetic work occurring in the body all night. There were many cleansing dreams. I did a few hours stretching but stopped at the hips. I went outside, did some work, and went for a walk in the forest with my dog. There in the field with the sun I had a good stretch through my body. I lay on the ground for about thirty minutes. Later while walking I had an idea about how to loosen my shoulders. With anger and strong determination, I worked them and knew I had loosened them much. Much later in the day when I sat then I was taken over by higher-self and soon put into this sideways stretch on my neck and shoulders feeling pressure in all the bad parts in hip, shoulder, neck and jaws. I held that position for two hours watching as tension continuously released, like it was rolling out all along the cord of personality path.

From 6 to 11 pm, I continue with the transformation. I have to let go of body control, as there is no other way. I get desperate for relief from the tension and surrender is the only thing that works. Energy is working at C7. Near the end, there was a loud crack in the neck, then some movement in my shoulder and I felt energetic power assist me to rise. Then I felt freefall, but it did not last long. I did an hour-long hold in a bent over position with painful tension, as all the joints were worked rapidly. I arose and took a break even knowing how near this is. (I believed I only had to release one more joint or muscle and there would be instant transformation.) It is 11 pm and I rest, and while sitting upright there was a strong snap in the neck, the strongest so far.

February 9: Skull Drainage, Skull Energy Circuits, Skull Pressure

I slept long and did sessions all day. The neck breaking feeling happened three more times. Always I am trying my best to surrender, always there is more to do and what I want does not happen. The energy inside is strong but I cannot be it, I tried hard to allow spontaneous body movements. At first, it went good but eventually I lost it. (At this stage, many nervous connections are made in rest phase. As connections are made, there is increased capability for spontaneous body movements. When I say, “I lost it above”, I was too critical; this capability to stay as one with the body movement slowly increases.)

I boosted the energy in my body with Reiki on the root chakra. Afterward my energy seemed much stronger. Later I felt much despair; I do not know what else to do when even my attempt to surrender does not work. I cried much yesterday and today too.

At 4 pm, when I sat after a session in the forest I felt strong energy working in the skull and felt liquid coming down. Then I felt strong pressure at base of skull with many neuron connections made there. Then I was forced to stretch my neck strong in two directions, first to one side, then the other. I think this was done to make an energy circuit. Then energy went down the spine, between my legs, to hips and feet. I felt like all the body tension was taken away. I cried not believing it was true. After this, energy built in pelvic bowl, went up spine and more energy circuits formed. I felt a spiral of energy go down from my head, circling my body along the spine. That was the first time I felt this.

After this, I felt strong energy in the genitals and wonder what changes are made to them. Lately I feel certain about nothing and see I lack trust. At times, I feel split, feeling that my higher-self is luring me with these nice feelings of bliss then I am sitting for hours doing these painful stretches. Yet, I notice progress in the spine and the energy keeps getting stronger. My skull is ready to split open there is pressure all over. I stretched before sleep. There is high sexual energy and a strong growing reaction in the body.

Energy Ball At Base Of Skull, Opening Cervical Spine

February 10: Ear Popping, Skull Tingling, Cascade Of Energy

I slept in until 10 am. I wonder much about the changes going on, and fantasize about transforming into a new body. I have no idea what is possible and what comes from my imagination. I was strong while doing the freestyle session and stayed surrendered while stretching through the hips. Eventually I lost this feeling while lying on the floor with back pain and tension releasing from the hip. I think I often make the mistake of holding a position, uncomfortable and enduring more pain than is necessary. I feel like a failure when I have to stop. This time I decided to rise and do a freestyle session and that worked to release tension in the upper neck.

There was much work in the neck, which released much tension with many cracks, pops and crunches. It is incredibly difficult requiring centering or it hurts. There is still much tension on the side of the neck and at the base of the skull. My head feels ready to explode. There is a funny feeling ball (This is an energy ball.) at the base of my skull for the last few days and now it is strong. My ear opened with many big pops. There was much tingling in the head and the body energy grows as the skull opens. After strong tingling, I was cold with shivers as energy coursed down. I hear pings and feels muscle twitches here and there going down the spine.

After getting through work in the upper most neck vertebrae, an awesome strength pulls my body exactly where I need to go. The urge to stretch does not settle down. I had to stop after a long session twisting down from base of skull to tailbone. After that, there was another stretch up and another strange one with shoulders hunched the entire time while holding that energy ball at the base of the skull in position.

Next, I stretched down through all the same things again. However, this time there was an intense burning feeling along the path of stretch. I had to follow perfectly or I would lose the energy ball and it would hurt badly, I knew that somehow. I went like this with searing pain for maybe an hour and then had to stop. When I stood, I felt tingling, and stretched slowly down all the way through the legs to the floor with the sensation of freefall. I stood and felt cascades of energy falling through my body. I am resting, I am physically drained but I want to continue. From 8:30 to 10:45 pm, I did a stretch and ended in a position where I felt I needed to surrender. I gave up after a valiant try. It was difficult. I tried to surrender three more times and failed.

I feel better knowing how to respond to the stretch reaction. I do not have to tolerate any more excruciating painful positions. If it hurts, I can try another position or stop and rest if I feel I need it. The transformation will pick up where I need to be next time; it seems obvious now. I cried feeling like a failure that I cannot surrender fully. This has more to do with my expectation than what it means to surrender. Higher-self has been taking over often. I think I am not strong enough to do it yet. I have enough energy to go as far as I can. Each session of releasing tension gives me more strength. Finally, I see that. Surrender is the act of allowing the transformation, and while the fire of transformation is happening, it feels painful. I think when all the pain is gone then I will be enlightened. As far as I can tell, my awareness rises as I convert the old energy body to the new light body. All these endless stretches along the cord of personality finally make sense. All this time I have been converting energy held in from to higher awareness. I have two days left of my retreat and hope this will finish by then. Wish me speed.

• < Loud Neck Cracks & Release At C7
• Chapter 11: Physical Death, 4th Dark Night – Surrender >

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