4. Does Kundalini Awakening Stop After Activation?
Kundalini awakening is a growing process that continues our entire lifetime and has been going on for all of human evolution. The growing process continues until we reach enlightenment. When a baby’s teeth come in, it hurts and is irritating and the baby cries. We can put medicine on the teeth or rock the baby to soothe the symptoms, but this does not stop the teeth from growing once it has started. Kundalini transformation is a biological process similar to teeth coming in and it will not stop until completed. With kundalini transformation, if we choose to treat the symptoms rather than transform the cause, then we channel our growing force toward strengthening the personality rather than strengthening our higher-self. What we focus on expands.
In the earlier awakening stages, it is easier to suppress kundalini energy. After full-blown kundalini transformation, radical changes have been done to the mind and body, and there is no going back to the old structure of personality. The choice we are left with is how much transformational pain we are willing to accept daily.
In any stage of evolution, if we suppress the kundalini force, it will continue working and what we will notice is increased tension and stress building in the body and mind, and eventually pain will motivate us to surrender control. Evolution is like being between a rock and a hard place. If we resist the growing force, we experience pain and if we surrender to it, we experience pain. Pain however does not have to be experienced as painful. When we resist the growing force we only experience pain, it cannot be reduced if we resist it. When we accept the growing force, we change and experience pain from transformation of tissues. However, we can take it a step further and surrender to the sensation of pain, in that way we do not experience it as painful.
The easier, less painful way to evolve is always to surrender, accept our current reality and not resist the growing force. The state of non-resistance is surrendering the mind and being quiet in the meditative state. Our evolution to enlightenment is about learning to be our higher-self as pure awareness in body. The choice is to let go of control as the personality by surrendering to our higher-self. When we practice like this, we are guided and it is easier and takes less time. After we have experienced unity with our higher-self, we know there is a blissful location that is free from pain, and we can return there whenever we want.
It comes down to a personal choice, either to work with the growing force or to try to suppress it. The kundalini growing force continues whatever we do; what is important is how that energy is channeled. What we focus on expands. If we keep our focus on our personality, it will expand and personality itself is a resistant solid form that causes pain. The larger the personality gets, the more rigid we become and the more our survival is jeopardized. Enlargement of personality is the path of disease, stress, hatred, violence and all kinds of destruction of self and others. If we rather divert energy from personality, then higher-self expands and our self-realization grows. The personality reduces in influence, we are more flexible and our likelihood to survive increases. As personality reduces, it is the path of joy, happiness, abundance, compassion and absence of pain.
Even after a spiritual awakening if we do not continue to surrender and instead resist the growing force, our density will increase, our awareness level will drop and we will reverse the progress we have made. The growing force is still going on, but what is occurring is our focus is expanding the personality rather than transforming it. If we continue like this, the old way of responding as conditioned personality and losing ourselves in thinking and emoting will happen again. This happens because the structure of personality was not fully transformed, and then it physically gains weight as we lose energy. Eventually you will see this clearly and understand that if you want to completely transform the structure of personality and overcome the force of gravity, you must consistently work to get more energy on a daily basis. Otherwise, we tend to remain the same. This must be done each day, until there is nothing left to transform. The secret to continue to grow, transform or heal is that we need more energy than our normal daily levels. We can get a boost of energy in various ways, but the largest boost comes from quieting our mind.
Suppressing the growing force causes more harm than good. Pain is going to be experienced either way, so we might as well get used to it, and learn to go beyond the sensation and grow. Knowing our evolution is at stake, I cannot advise someone to suppress their growing force, as they may never get another chance to evolve. We have to latch onto the opportunity to grow when it is available, and that time is always now. The growing force is the same as the ever-present force that is expanding the universe, if we accept it and grow with it we move along and change with it. If we reject it, we do not grow and eventually it will be too strong for us, due to our inflexibility and it will destroy us. Our choice is either to adapt to it, or to reject it. See this clearly; do not wait to start the process of self-realization. If you keep putting it off until tomorrow, it will leave you in the dust.
Wanting To Quit - Fear Of Losing Control And Going Further
A common reason for wanting to stop kundalini transformation is we have intense fear of losing ourselves, which is directly related to fear of losing control. Another reason we want to stop is that we have fear of experiencing strong symptoms that happened before. If this is the case, it may help to understand that higher-self is not afraid of the symptoms, as these symptoms are signs of higher-self coming to life. This fear comes from the personality, from the one that is afraid to be obliterated. Yes, the symptoms will return but know that they are not hurting us; rather they are healing us of that fearful self. Probably the main reason we want to quit is we cling to the way we know ourselves and are afraid to enter unknown territory.
When we stop the mind-chatter, it feels like death because we cannot hear the familiar echo of our voice that confirms we are alive. When we stop the mind-chatter completely, a huge force of energy arises, that is astounding yet frightening. At that moment, we feel there is nothing to latch onto, everything is foreign and fear grips us. Feeling we are dying and losing ourselves, we grasp for the known and start the mind-chatter. The intense fear comes from the mind-voice, so it was already activated. When the mind-voice dominates, our higher-self has been stifled. It takes many tries to face this unknown, to overcome our fear, stay still and not react and allow our higher-self to rise. Each attempt to let go makes us stronger. Eventually, we are strong enough and trust it is okay, and will not react with fear. A full let go is not done in one attempt; rather it is a gradual process of building strength, so by trying we eventually get used to it.
5. Can I Go Crazy In Kundalini Transformation?
Craziness has the cause of overactive mind-voice. If we suspect we are acting crazy or someone we trust tells us we are acting crazy, then we have been given valuable information. To cure our craziness, we must first understand we are crazy. To know we are acting crazy is the first step to become sane. Of course, it will hurt the pride to discover we have been acting crazy, but to take a step beyond the mind we have to know what the problem is. There are many pitfalls on the path of awakening and it does not matter which way or technique we use in regards to the pitfalls we will face. The craziness comes from our strong identification with the story we are telling with our thinking and responding emotionally to life out of that story. We fully believe ‘our story’ is truth. Craziness or mental illness develops when we are stuck in a reactive circle of thinking certain patterns of thought habitually and respond emotionally according to the undertone of those thoughts. The thoughts charge the bodies muscles with the undertone of our thinking pattern. When we are thinking anxious thoughts, the body is anxious and prepares to take flight and the vibration of fear and anxiety in the body’s muscles triggers more thoughts that are anxious. We think anxious, we feel anxious, we are anxious. Our story gets confirmed as the truth because of how we feel. What we cannot see when this occurs, is how we have created the anxiety ourselves. At this point, we are stuck in a reactive circle and are acting crazy. Once we are like this, the personality is strongly activated and it is nearly impossible to observe our thinking, which is the cause of the problem.
All these thinking patterns happen unconsciously and have to do with how we learned to get identification and confirmation from the world and people at an early age. As we progress in our spiritual evolution, the unconscious thinking pattern becomes visible as craziness. Unexpectedly, we have anxiety or panic attacks and it becomes problematic to function normally. Now we have a mental health issue. What we need to know is when mental health issues surface it is a healing reaction and is an opportunity to take a step in our evolution and increase our awareness level. Before spiritual awakening, craziness is present in everyone. It is merely hidden inside. When it becomes visible as a mental health issue, then it can be observed and we can question our reactions and heal the cause of the craziness.
I think all seekers have to pass though this ‘crazy step’, so it cannot be avoided. It occurs in several flavors at various times, which all precede the full-blown kundalini transformation. Fear of going crazy is understandable, yet to go beyond a fear; it must be confronted head on. If we can accept that every spiritual seeker must eventually confront our craziness and go beyond it, then we will be more willing to face this challenge. What I am saying is do not blame craziness on the practice, the person, the method or the technique, or on anything in the outside and feel like a victim. Craziness is something we create ourselves and is likely already there. It is merely hidden under the surface, below our current awareness. To find the cause and go beyond it, it is necessary to do daily meditation, which gives us the skill for self-observation. As we practice meditation, we gradually get better at seeing our thinking and seeing how it traps us. When we are ready to face it, look inside to see where those crazy thoughts come from and in this way, we will take another step.
With the full-blown kundalini transformation, there is an emotional and physical cleansing of the body during the first weeks, where it is difficult to act rational but this soon passes. Getting lost in crazy mind is not likely once we have reached this level of self-realization, because we have already dealt with the problem. At this stage, we can discern clearly between the thinking and not thinking state, and can control our mind and stop the mind-chatter.
MARY E. (BETSY) RABYOR was born in Wisconsin and lived in Nevada, Florida and Spain. She went to college and was a computer programmer for 17 years, with family and suburban life. Since 1990, she has meditated and learned self-healing techniques. In August of 1999, she spiritually awakened, quit her job and devoted her life to self-realization and helping others. Shortly after starting Reiki self-healing in 2005, her kundalini unexpectedly awakened. She continues to work with her kundalini transformation today. She lives in Wisconsin and is a skilled distance healer, author, poet, intuitive, and spiritual mentor.
