Bodily Reliving Childhood Trauma
January 28: Tension Release From Paired Joints, More Cleansing
At 1 am, I did a freestyle session and there was hip and shoulder work. I get a better idea of what it means to allow my body to move spontaneously from the charged muscles. I have not been doing that. I will rest and let the energy build and try to go through the hip again, trying to stay focused on feeling the energy. This room is too small for this workout; I need a big area full of padded mats. Tomorrow I will try to find another location.
At 2 am, I worked effectively on the hip and shoulder and most tension is gone. The joints are somehow malfunctioning as a pair, and had to be worked together at the end. Near the end, there was a continuous torrent of energy releasing in both joints for about two hours. At 3:30 am, I went to bed.
From 8 am to 2 pm, I relived a childhood trauma that was intense. My body was moving spontaneously, widely jerking around for hours on end and as it did, memories of the trauma came into my mind and it was as if I was living it again. I went through the same scenario physically many times and it provoked the pain that happened then. I was crying much. I never knew I had this experience until today. Once I tried to rise and was pushed to the ground. I felt I was being squished during this process. Near the beginning of replaying my trauma, I observed injuries that happened long ago to places I currently have problems. I cried because it hurt badly. (I believe this was emotional cleansing of the body and was related to various traumas recorded in the tissues.)
The replaying of the trauma lasted hours. At the end, my body was like a rag doll, but through this, I learned how to relax and sit in the center and allow the violent jerking body movements. While sitting in the center as the observer, there was no pain. I still feel sad, but the energy is massaging me and I am resting. I am sure I will feel better soon. I hope this is over; I do not want to go through anything like that again. Perhaps there is still something repressed that waits to be replayed. I do not think it is all unrolled yet. It surprised me that the cord of personality would have the trauma in it. I guess I needed to be energetically strong enough to heal the memory. I suspect to transform all energy of the personality one has to go back to the baby and probably fetus, so probably there is more of this left to do. Meanwhile, I will build my strength to make it easier to release it.
I took a nap and arose because I felt much pain in my ankles, feet and lower legs. Now it is not bad. The energy worked on the abdomen and I had a dream about gallstones. Sitting, my chest is expanding out.
Second Spontaneous Liver And Gallbladder Flush
It is 3:30 pm, and I finished another enema and tons of stones are coming out. I will continue this until it is clear. At last count, there were sixty large liver stones ½” wide in diameter. At 6 pm, my digestion is working so perhaps the gallbladder is clear. When I sat, I felt a chill followed by the internal rain symptom. Great, because I do not want to stretch. My hip is sore with some swelling and my right forearm is sore. At 7 pm, many more stones came out. The intestinal action gets strong. I feel a block between the liver and the gallbladder. I feel a hard lump. Therefore, I will keep going. One stone was hard like a crystal and was around ¼” in diameter.
From 8 pm to 1am, I will get long-distance Reiki empowerment at 8:30. My hip is still blocked and I cannot clear the gallbladder meridian. I did a little stretching and exhausted went to bed. While sitting I was sleepy and higher-self was taking over. That would be a gift.
January 29: Feeling Springy, Cracks In Spine
When I arose at 6 am, I had a springy feeling all over the body, which I still feel. From 7:30 to 8:45 am, there has been much work in the head. Doing the freestyle session, I feel alive and tension knots release. There were many cracks in the spine and many loud cracks and pops in the back and neck. At 10:45 am, I lay down and the energy sped up. I feel stinging prickles here and there but it does not hurt badly. My mind is relaxed. In the afternoon, more of the same goes on, only stronger. From 1 to 6 pm, I did several stretching sessions with difficult work in the hips. Ouch!
January 30: Organ Cleanse Continues
There has been much work in the right hip; it seems it is mostly done. At 8:30 pm, the hip, shoulder and neck tension released. I have fasted three days on pineapple juice and I have done water enemas, stimulating the gallbladder and liver meridians with Reiki and doing a stretch between. This works good, I passed around one cup more of large stones, a few of them at least ¾” in diameter. I just did the oil and grapefruit liver cleanse protocol to provoke the bile release to see if it helps clear the gallbladder. At 9:30 pm, the green liquid of bile passes. I do not see any more large stones, only small ones. I hope all is cleared now. I think all the digestive organs are cleansing. I am going to sleep.
January 31: More Gallstones & Liver Stones
At 1:30 am, I woke with belching and did another enema. At 3 am, there were more large and hard brown liver stones and the bright green small stones from the gallbladder. At 3:30 am, the meridians are opening. At 6 am, I did Reiki on several meridians and worked a long time on C7. The digestive system seems calm for now.
There was much work on C7 with large releases of tension. There is no pain, I surrender and let myself be stretched. Problems are tension in neck from base of skull to shoulder. There is still a big knot in my trapezious muscle and I have pain in my entire arm from forearm up to shoulder. At 8:45 pm, there were many crunching sounds in the shoulder joint. The bicep muscle of the left arm is sore. The ligaments in the legs feel tight. I did another enema and many more green gallstones and monster liver stones came out at the beginning. Each time it is clearer, I will keep going until it is clear. I ate some rice and an artichoke. The food sits okay so far but I do not want to eat much until the liver is clear. I had a dream about a problem in the pectoral muscle on the chest. I think that is true. All the tension is around this area. The other dream was to take rosemary tea. I will try that as I am getting tired of pineapple juice.
February 1: Release In C7, Energy Vortex From Skull To Tailbone
At 12:30 pm, C7 released and energy can now move it in another direction. This should result in more power to help open the rest of the body. I woke at 3 am, with an energy vortex going from my head to my tailbone. A little later, I leaned forward with my head relaxed and healing is occurring in the body in all places at once. My arm relaxes and the gallbladder meridian clears. It is somewhat intense but welcome!
From 4:30 to 7 am, I think the work in C7 is done. (Years later, there is still work in C7.) I hope I do not have to do that stretch through the hips again. It took hours. There is rapid energy work occurring all over the body. At 9:30 pm, the energy is high and there is work on the bones and ligaments that hurts if I identify with it. I am sweating profusely. At midnight, the intense stuff has passed but I am still hot.
February 2: Looking For Easier Way
From 2 to 4:30 am, I have been stretching. The tension is gone from spine and is now in the shoulder. Energy worked in hips and shoulders. I am exhausted and need to sleep.
From 10:30 to 11:30 am, I did one long stretch through the hips. It was difficult to do but what a relief. Much tension released from the hips, lower back and shoulders.
I am exhausted; its 6 pm and I was outside working for hours. My energy is low for physical work. Earlier, I sat and cried while the tension poured out of my neck and shoulders. I feel as if I want to die, because it seems impossible to release this coil of tension.
At 8 pm, I will seriously try to let go of body control. I can follow a sprinkle energy path when I have no resistance in mind or body. It is like finding the path in the dark. When I am on this path of following, I feel no pain and gain energy instead of getting tired. By trying to force the tension out of my body, I tire myself and it has little effect. With twenty minutes of doing this I feel great! 9:30 pm, Great, but it is a little tiring as I am not perfect at following and the tension is real.
Insight about easier way is following: The way through this is to unite with the higher-self, done with a complete surrender of mind and body. I need to follow the bliss feeling and I will be led through the pain. I need to get better at surrendering the body.
February 3: Increased Body Heat, Dying Would Be Easier
It is 12:45 am, and I cannot sleep. The heat is intense and the energy is active. Then there is my anticipation, I do not want to miss anything. I am surprised this much time has gone by. Old traumas and memories of times when I had stress and conflict in my life surface when the heat is high.
I was interrupted all day with outside work. In the middle of the day, I did an awesome stretch through my body. Afterward at 7:30 pm, I was brought to the position that I knew was one of my early traumas. I was lying with all my joints smashing into the ground, for about twenty minutes. Then I cried and got angry and arose and forced myself through all the pain, wanting more of it so I could let it all out. I went way beyond myself for hours with much crying and pain. Then it was late and there was not enough time to rest afterward, as I had other work to do. Finally, I got back to my room and I am still crying and tired. I feel ill and sore all over and the internal music plays strong inside. I feel alone and at the end of my rope. I do not want any more treatments or stretching. I feel like dying, it is close to that. My ear is still plugged up. I feel as if I am between two worlds. Higher-self wants to be, yet I resist feeling I prefer my pity-party or something like that. I will rest and see what is next.